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My beef with the Academy on behalf of philosophers like me

March 26, 2023

Once again I did not receive the Oscar for Best in the Field of Nagging.

Before you get your britches in a bunch because of the negativity the word may connote, the nags of their day – may I remind you – were known as philosophers and were greatly revered.

Yes! Plato was a nag, too. In fact, Plato and the Platitudes were the first rock/advice-giving group in history.

Did he even mention that if you ate moo shu pork, you would bloat the next day? I would have told you.

Nagging is simply giving information. For example, when I suggest you avoid an area because of the potholes, I am giving you the facts as I know them. Since this is America, you have the option of not listening to me and squishing your tires and spending a day at Acme Automotive. It is all about choice.

My Oscar losses started many years ago when I listened to those new age suggestions to “let everyone be” and “do their own thang.”

It was not natural behavior for me. My life fell apart that nag-less year. I didn’t tell anyone what to do or give advice, so every unuttered word went straight to my hips.

Being frustrated, I started celebrating Fat Tuesday every day of the week. Then I moved on to Taco Tuesday Wednesday Thursday … well you know the rest.

The kids didn’t clean their room that year so our home was condemned by the board of health.

One son refused to get a haircut. I said nothing. The principal legally changed his name to Mary Elizabeth, so when he was drafted in the Army … oh please, don’t ask.

So the Oscar for Best Nag in 2023 once again … wasn’t me.

I’m usually nonviolent, but do I have to slap someone to get attention?

To nags and every boss, editor, taxman, crossing guard and those on the board of advisers in our community, everywhere all at once … there’s always next year.

In the meantime, sit up straight and eat your veggies. By the way, speaking of which, ya know, it wouldn’t hurt ya to take a nag to lunch sometime.

Humor columnist and Laguna Woods Village resident Jan Marshall is the author of humor books for grownups, including “Dancin Schmancin With the Scars.” She also has written aspirational books for children — “The Toothbrush Who Tried to Run Away“ and “The Littlest Hero.” She’s the founder of the International Humor and Healing Institute in 1986. She’s a clinical hypnotherapist, a TV host and media humorist, and — above all — a proud great-grandmother. Contact her at [email protected].

Orange County Register

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