Telepeer

Ask the Pediatrician: When a pet dies, how do I help my child cope?

July 13, 2023

How your child reacts to your pet’s death will depend on their age and developmental level. When children display emotions like sadness, it’s important to validate them.

During my own childhood, I remember when a pet died, my well-meaning mother told me I shouldn’t dwell on being sad. It’s natural to want to protect your child from unpleasant emotions. But letting children experience them helps them build coping skills for the future.

Here’s what you can do to help your child deal with the loss of a pet.

Explain your own sadness.

If your emotion isn’t obvious, this may confuse your child. It’s OK to let them see you cry. Keep in mind, though, that not all children — whatever their age — express their grief through sadness. Anger is also a common way to express grief. Understanding this is important so you can help them learn to work through it.

Remember, grief-related emotions can come and go, sometimes without warning. It may take longer than you thought for your child to get through this period. Be sure to let your pediatrician know if your child is having more serious symptoms such as sleep disturbances, anxiety or depression.

Be prepared for questions.

Children may ask about death and what happens after we die. While the specifics of your answer will depend on your family’s beliefs, this is a sign your child wants to talk about it. If they don’t bring up questions, especially when you’ve given them opportunities, it’s possible your child might not want to discuss it. Follow their lead.

Create some type of small memorial or ritual.

This can really help your child with the process of saying goodbye after the loss of a pet. The memorial could involve scattering ashes, creating a memorial collage or planting a tree in the pet’s memory. Your child might find this uncomfortable, so try suggesting it gently and follow their wishes.

How to talk with your child about a pet’s death: advice by age

What your child understands about death will depend on their age. Here’s what you can expect, along with age-appropriate books to help your child understand and cope with losing your family’s pet.

Toddlers

Toddlers have a difficult time understanding death. They might ask over and over where the pet is. They may even seem unconcerned by your pet’s death. Don’t be worried about this — they’re not being insensitive or uncaring. At this stage, they simply don’t understand the meaning of death.

Recommended reading for teens:

— “The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends” by Helen Fitzgerald

— “Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens” by Alan D. Wolfelt

— “Saying Goodbye When You Don’t Want To” by Martha Bolton

— “Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers” by Earl Grollman

More information is available at HealthyChildren.org.

—

ABOUT THE WRITER:

Dipesh Navsaria, MPH, MSLIS, MD, FAAP, is Chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Early Childhood. He is a professor of Pediatrics and of Human Development & Family Studies at the School of Medicine & Public Health and the School of Human Ecology, at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. He has practiced primary care pediatrics in a variety of settings and is the founding medical director of Reach Out and Read Wisconsin and was appointed by the White House to the National Museum and Library Services Board. Dr. Navsaria regularly writes op-eds on health-related topics; participates in radio and television interviews; hosts two podcasts, and frequently speaks locally, regionally, and nationally on early brain and child development, early literacy, and advocacy to a broad variety of audiences. Follow him on Twitter @navsaria, Facebook, and visit his website.

Orange County Register

News Details

Ask the Pediatrician: When a pet dies, how do I help my child cope?

News

CONTACT INFO

QUICK LINKS

SERVICES

CURRENT NEWS